User Profile

o/~He's a complicated man, and no one understands him but o/~
well, maybe you...

I don't know if this is the best place to describe myself; that's more of why I'm writing the journal itself. Some facts and background context is always helpful though.
I'm currently 25 years old, living with a housemate in San Jose, CA. I work as a unix/NT system administrator for a major internet portal. I'm Jewish, but agnostic, and not very observant (My mother was born protestant, but underwent an orthodox conversion before I was born, so yes, I am a Jew according to talmudic law). I'm also a bisexual, one of several reasons I don't follow Jewish scripture. Regardless of what I look like in my photo, I am NOT gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that... I'm also diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which is probably a fairly accurate assessment. I don't tend to share that little gem of information, but I have to somewhere. There's a smattering of other disorders and nuances in here as well: ADD, general anxiety/jewishness, panic disorder, and "mild" schizoid symptoms, but since I'm still successful otherwise, they just make me eccentric.
Despite all that, I'm most often a friendly, easy-going guy, and easy to get along with. When I'm not in a bad mood for any of the above reasons, I'm a cheerful person, and there's nothing I enjoy more than giving my friends, or even strangers a good laugh, and hopefully something to think about at the same time.
I'm currently single and looking, kinda, but you can read all about that in my bio-grapho-rama!

Bio-grapho-rama!
I was born in Jan. '79 in Beth Israel hospital, New York, NY, to my father, the plastic and reconstructive surgeon, and my mother, and still his current wife, as his nurse, and the household caretaker. In a matter of months, though, my family relocated to rural West Virginia (Logan), I consider myself to be "from" there, and the time spent there to be my childhood. It seems like that ended when I moved again. When I was 8, we moved again, this time to Tampa, Florida. I grew up there in the suburbs, and never quite got used to joining the modern world. I made it through high-school somehow, and hated it. With no small amount of negative emotion along the way, I graduated with honors at the age of 17. I had seen a psychiatrist at the age of twelve, and had been taking anti-depressants more or less since. I doubt I would have gotten the "with honors" part without them, to say the least. After high school came college, naturally. That did not go over well at all. To sum it up, I went from USF in tampa, to a nice community college in Gainesville, to a shitty one in Miami, then back home again. Due to the economy, my life was considerably more difficult during this period. My parent's private clinic had gone bust in the recession following the Gulf War, leaving my family living in massive debt; an endless source of tension to add to my own problems. My single greatest source of relief was the internet. I had previously been involved with private BBS's during Jr. high school, and made a small, close circle of friends, mostly of the no-good type with a few notable exceptions. But it wasn't until I had gotten involved with the internet through the university and online communities such as IRC and FurryMuck that I started to meet people that I actually had things in common with, and could open up to. It was around this time that I realized that I had an interest in members of the same gender. I never would have guess, before. It was quite a surprise. I still liked girls, but felt I could never relate. Males just felt more natural. I didn't bother to tell anyone, other than my best friend, who kind of found out accidentally early in my college career... Both my of these new found interests kept me going until I ended up back to square one: at home with my parents, with no where to go. I was 19 now, and I was not doing well, far worse than I have been in a long time, and hope was in short supply for myself and my family as a whole. It was just after my 20th birthday when I met someone special for the first time. I'd had a boyfriend before, but not like this. This was something different, or at least I thought so, or wanted to have. I think I still do. In a matter of a few short months, he delivered me from what would likely have been an untimely end, and brought me with him to San Jose to live forever in happiness. It was 1999, the market was exploding with no end in sight, and even I could get a decent paying job testing video games. Shortly after, I landed a real job with a real salary, making more money than I ever could have possibly imagined. I was moved out of my parents house, and I had someone I loved. I even was able to get by without my medication; I hadn't been before. Then, almost as suddenly, forever ended; In less than a year, even. Suffice it to say, I fucked up, and paid the price, and again I was alone. Alone, but this time, independant. I managed to get by after moving away from the only place I had been content since childhood, and moved in with another friend of mine who had just bought a home in Boulder Creek over the hill. Logically, I should have been happy again. I still have my freedom and independance, I had my job, a nice place to live, and many friends, even if not an especially significant one. We're not a logical bunch, though; I soon begin to slip into that all-too-familiar meloncholy that preceded total hopelessnes. I switched jobs again. I thrive on change, and will begin to rot without some sort of dynamic in my life. This, and a return to the medication was enough to ward it off long enough for me to move again; Even in my minor depressive state I was tired of almost dying on the treacherous commute through the santa cruz mountains to work. I looked for, and found someone I could stand to live with, and got together with the person whom I have been living with since. G will suffice as a descriptor. No, we are not any of the following: "a thing" "an item" "a couple" "life partners" "boyfriends" or "fuck-buddies". I hate what he hates, and that's been a strong enough bond between us to be compatible housemates. After 6 months and $18,000 of rent spent in the Ethnic Palace apartment complex, we got ourselves a rental house, and began to recycle roomates.
Finally, it's now. I'm still at the same job, which has grown less and less appealing after being ground through the recession. I'm still at teh same job though, and it doesn't involve any physical pain, so I can force myself to bear with it. I've seen what happens to people who can't. Speaking of my other roomates, G and I are working on number 4. He's the best so far... I'm still single, still looking for that person in some respect, but maybe that's not what I really need to find. I've been figuring out that what I really need is a center, and maybe it won't turn out to be a he or a she. No matter how manic or depressed I may be, I've always felt there that I contained something "different". I'm not the new-age or religous type, but I can't help but believe I have a potentional for great or terrible things. I don't know what it is, or how to do find it, but I've set my heart on finding out. If I can be strong enough.

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